Aspria jokes

Asspria Jokes

God tells a man: "You have been good. I'll grant you a wish."
- "Thank you. I would like a bridge to travel from Dover to Calais. I am claustrophobic."
- "You are asking for too much. Anything else?" says God
- "Please make the Aspria management treat me as a customer".
- "OK." says God. "When do you want to have the bridge?


What is the difference between Josef Steelline (real name censored) and an Asspria manager? Josef Steelline sends his discontented customers to the Gulag, while an Asspria manager sends them to Hell.

What, in ballistics, is called a chaotic trajectory? It is the trajectory of a tennis ball on Asspria La Rasante's Rough Courts.

How does the personnel at Asspria La Rasante's Rough Courts know they are not in Guantanamo?They are not wearing orange.

What does Asspria stand for? A Sports Place Run by Immature Amateurs.

Is Asspria a business? Not if you consider businesses want to have happy customers. Yes if you believe there are here to make money.

What is the difference between the invisible man and an Asspria manager ? The invisible man is a fictitious character, the Aspria manager is a deceptive character.

How do you know the price of a yearly subscription at Asspria La Rase-Mottes? The hard way is to ask. The easy way is to multiply what seems a fair price by the golden number: 1.618 0339 887. (http://www.goldennumber.net/)

How do you tell customers from personnel at Aspria Best Sports Clubs in the Galaxy? Personnel wears prison uniforms.

What is the difference between a potato field and a tennis court at Asspria La Rase-Mottes, "Finest Aspria La Rasante in the world"? People work on potato fields and play at La Rasante Rough Courts.

Why are all Asspria customers happy customers? Management kicks out unhappy customers.

How do you tell customers from the management at Aspria "We do you a favor by letting you in" top-notch Family Sports Clubs? Customers pay and sweat in the club. Managers sell membership somewhere.

Asspria La Rase-Mottes Rough Courts: we invented RTT (rough terrain tennis)

About and Review of Aspria La Rasante

This Aspria senior manager is signalling he wants me to vacate a tennis court so his buddies can play

What is this blog about

Hi folks, customers and prospect customers of La Rasante and Aspria clubs.

At some 1,400 € a year I find the level of service at La Rasante grossly inadequate, especially in view of their sky-high claim they have the finest clubs in Europe.

If you have been taken for a ride, exploited, verbally abused, threatened and snubbed by management at an Aspria club, come and share your experience.

I want to make some serious fun of these guys who believe they are number one in Europe and get them to deliver what we have paid for.

Who am I?

The criminal that was kicked out of La Rasante without prior dialogue

I am a 48 year old father of two, with two master-level degrees and a good job. I have been a yearly subscriber at La Rasante for three years.

Here's my general evaluation of Aspria La Rasante

The good

I spend a lot of time at la Rasante because I like sport and because it is close to where I live, so it's a convenience sports venue for me.

The park is nice. There is a nursery and some fun activities for kids. The water in the pools is relatively mild for a public venue.

Tennis and other teachers are good and give value for money, as otherwise they would have to find some other source of revenue.

Restaurant staff is very friendly. Their clients are not captive because of a subscription so they also have to show something for our money daily or go out of business.

Staff knows me. I believe they like me. I like them. Customers are friendly.

The bad

Do not expect value for your money at some 1,500 € a year. Service-mindedness is not on the agenda.

The quality level is far below what is advertised by the Aspria management (the finest in Europe) because of overpopulation, insufficient garage space and appalling tennis courts condition.

All third world hotels with a tennis court I have tried beat La Rasante hands down on court surface quality. If you like chaotic ball trajectories, head straight to court 5, 6 and 7 (there are only seven, and three in winter, those three). You'll have a ball.

If you want to play serious tennis look elsewhere or be ready to play with the rising sun in your face on court 1 which is oriented East-West. The architect must have been on a serious trip and the buyer pretty clueless.

If you fancy sweating a few inches close to other studio class participants, and enjoy packed changing rooms, if you do not mind queuing up at the reception for several minutes when you need something, and if do not mind that so-called "fast swimmers" at one minute a 25m lap box you on the nose and call for assistance when you pass them at one minute for two laps for 45 minutes, then go for it. La Rasante is for you and at some 1,500 € a year a mighty good deal.

The ugly

Be ready to have to fight for your rights. Take krav maga lessons, put on a mean look, stand tall, spread yourself wide and look behind your back. The place is a jungle where the management backs up hooligans.

The clerks, and to a lesser extent the rest of the personnel is obviously scared of the top brass so that does not make for a good atmosphere.

Management does customers a favour by letting us walk on the premises and breathe the same air as them. Members are a big problem once they have paid their fees. We could simplify the ruler's life by paying a one-year fee and never showing up.

After 1,100 days of membership, and probably 500 visits nobody in management knew who I was by name and I have never seen the general director or whatever his title is. Still they kicked me out without inviting me for a clarifying and fact-finding talk first.

Be ready to be a number like 28525. That's how you book at the reception.

Membership prices are negotiated individually in perfect opacity. The place is a rip-off at at price around the golden number 1.6180339887 times a reasonable price for the level of the service and facilities.

However, inviting an enemy and having him tarred and feathered by the management will set you back 35 € only. To my knowledge this is the best offer in Brussels considering the price of tar and workmanship.

Bottom line: unless you live around the block or so, are a mercenary and thrive in civil war zones, have many enemies and want to have more, or pay less than 1,000 € for a yearly membership with full access, look elsewhere for better value.

That's my take. I understand you can believe it is paradise on earth because you have body guards and you are buddies with the ruler of the place.