Aspria Slogans and real-life service

"Asspria: You will be happy with us. If not we'll throw you out."

Parody

Asspria Slogans: an introduction

The Gentle Managers at Asspria Hell, or Asspriacid, or Asspirina depending on tradition, are sometimes made to look like moronic despots. But their real-life counterparts are a pretty good show by themselves, so try to see if you can spot one. I understand that like some other mammals, they only come out at night and are easily frightened at the sight of humans looking for help.

Picture: Asspria manager intimidating a customer

How Aspria inflicts pain on itself: idiotic slogans

This might be a parody, but it's hard to beat Aspria themselves at being candidates to "Un dîner de cons" (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Dinner_Game).

Actually, their site is an auto-parody of sorts. Have a good look around at the sales pitches, the welcome back to the 1950's pictures, the general atmosphere of sticky self-glorification :

http://www.aspria.com/

I found this beautiful piece of hand-carved bullshit on the first page:

"The Aspria Spas exist to promote innovative well being for body and soul."

Frankly what does this mean? Am I missing something subliminal? Try the game yourself: how many of that caliber per page?

Aspria's slogan copied in the email below sounds like a self-inflicted wound and Bullshit Bingo winner:

"Europe's finest Spas and Family Sporting Clubs in Europe"

This reeks of marketing bullshit. But they are paying to have this verbiage spread around and use it on their e-mail signatures. And the consumer ends up paying for that moronic claim.

Mind you, it might be true if they have defined the arbitrary category of "Spas and Family Sporting Clubs" in such a way that they are in competition with a couple of family ventures in Northern Cyprus where tennis courts have actual potato crops growing.

What is it I am doing?

Hi folks.

If you love La Rasante please read no further and enjoy yourselves.

If you have been taken for a ride, exploited, verbally abused, threatened and snubbed by management at an Aspria club, come and share your experience here.

I found hell at Aspria La Rasante
http://hellnearyou.blogspot.com/

I want to make some serious fun of these guys who believe they are number one in Europe and get them to deliver what we have paid for in fairness. I just started with an evaluation. I will parody their self-glorifying site shortly.

I want this to be positive and fair. So humor is my preferred weapon.
My hope is that we can turn the situation to our advantage as customers and get some decent value for money and a little more respect from the rulers of the place.

The internet and social sites like Facebook give individual consumers significant power and we can make things move with relatively little effort while having a good laugh.

The rulers at Aspria Hell and Harassment Parks, L'Harassante, have already kicked me out the club without dialogue or clear explanations five weeks ago, so I cannot expect much improvement of their despotic manners.

This blog is only the beginning.

I want consumer organisations and the public authorities to have a look at what is going on in Aspria Hell. Check the contracts, the secret tariff policy and isolated negotiations with clients, possible overcrowding in legal terms (fire safety and the like) and everything that will put these people in their right place and get us what we have paid for.

To those that wonder why we do not move on and look elsewhere:

- What if the place is conveniently situated around the block and we want Aspria to deliver for our money? OK?
- What if we believe in defending our rights as consumers? OK?
- What if we are free to shop where we please and use our freedom of expression? OK?
- What if we have sworn to never let anyone tramp on our rights? OK?

Another thing that bugs me: why does the personnel look terrorized and worried?

Join the show. Publish your experience. Let's all have good fun.

A word of caution: Google and I admits nothing illegal so no insults, no lies, no hate speech. Parody, humor, mockery are OK.

Good luck and keep on enjoying yourselves if you like La Rasante and have read on in spite of my warning.

Disgruntled customers join me to kick the management's @ss€s and get the record straight.

Bye for now.