Aspria Slogans and real-life service

"Asspria: You will be happy with us. If not we'll throw you out."

Parody

Asspria Slogans: an introduction

The Gentle Managers at Asspria Hell, or Asspriacid, or Asspirina depending on tradition, are sometimes made to look like moronic despots. But their real-life counterparts are a pretty good show by themselves, so try to see if you can spot one. I understand that like some other mammals, they only come out at night and are easily frightened at the sight of humans looking for help.

Picture: Asspria manager intimidating a customer

How Aspria inflicts pain on itself: idiotic slogans

This might be a parody, but it's hard to beat Aspria themselves at being candidates to "Un dîner de cons" (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Dinner_Game).

Actually, their site is an auto-parody of sorts. Have a good look around at the sales pitches, the welcome back to the 1950's pictures, the general atmosphere of sticky self-glorification :

http://www.aspria.com/

I found this beautiful piece of hand-carved bullshit on the first page:

"The Aspria Spas exist to promote innovative well being for body and soul."

Frankly what does this mean? Am I missing something subliminal? Try the game yourself: how many of that caliber per page?

Aspria's slogan copied in the email below sounds like a self-inflicted wound and Bullshit Bingo winner:

"Europe's finest Spas and Family Sporting Clubs in Europe"

This reeks of marketing bullshit. But they are paying to have this verbiage spread around and use it on their e-mail signatures. And the consumer ends up paying for that moronic claim.

Mind you, it might be true if they have defined the arbitrary category of "Spas and Family Sporting Clubs" in such a way that they are in competition with a couple of family ventures in Northern Cyprus where tennis courts have actual potato crops growing.