Management by punishment at Aspria La Rasante

"At Asspria, We are number one, the customer is number 2, and you are number 28528." 
(Lawyers: this is parody)

Management by Punishment At Asspria La Rasante


(picture left) Aspria manager examining consumer submission

I copied below an interview of Thor Berserker, a specialist of Management by Punishment at the University of Whalhalla. Thor is a pioneer in the field and advocates lynching unhappy customers and flogging personnel as in the good old times.

Thor also plays tennis at l'Harassante and as a special counselor to the Aspria Court, he has a permanent claim to any tennis court, occupied or not. In case of doubt, the senior manager Greg "Shoegazer" throws a coin in the air and if it falls on the ground, Thor goes on an takes the court.

Why do they lynch customers at l'Harassante?

TB: The Aspria Management is the smartest in Europe. They have found out that tarring and feathering customers serves two purposes.

First of all it is fun for Aspria managers to abuse their clients. They spend their day selling subscription, and as salesmen they need to relieve their tension on their customers. By organizing punishment parties they get a high.

The only small drawback is that they now depend on that high to continue selling crap service. They have a tough job and I admire them for their stiff lips.

Second, the aim is to hurt and humiliate a dissatisfied customer enough to leave the club of its own accord and not cause any more mischief by claiming good service and courteous and appropriate management interventions.


Does Management elsewhere look up to Aspria Management Practices?

TB: Absolutely. In particular the lynching of dissatisfied customers. But they do not have the level of skill and personal charisma to actually implement the tarring and feathering of their unhappy customers. And this gives Aspria Managers a significant lead in the bleeding-edge competition field of "Finest Spas and Family Sports Club".

Is tarring and feathering a solution to criminality?
TB: Criminals are not as dangerous for profits as unhappy Aspria customers. So it would be very disproportionate to introduce that as a public practice.

Furthermore, tarring and feathering never was an official punishment in the United States, rather a form of vigilante justice. It was eventually abandoned as society moved away from public, corporal punishment, towards rehabilitation of criminals. So it will most certainly remain a private practice, in the years to come at least.

However, I believe the public sector should study the best practices at Aspria and inspire themselves from probably the best managers in the world.


What do you recommend Aspria Managers now?

TB: I can tell as much as this. The flogging of personnel (those wearing prison uniforms, not the managers) will soon be reintroduced. Tickets for flogging sessions will be sold to Members and their guests at the modic price of 20 €. This will raise revenue and improve work morale as my studies have demonstrated.

"Asspria: Probably the best managers in the world"