FAQ: How to know if the court is yours? My experience

How tennis courts occupation rules really, really, work at La Rasante (parody)

The rules

1) You book a court and show up on time or a little late. It's yours.
2) You are more than 15 minutes late and you have told the reception in advance you would be late. It's yours on arrival. Otherwise: you've lost your booking.
3) You spot a free court: tell the reception you will play on it, knowing that point 2 applies.

What happens in quality clubs in case of doubt?

In quality clubs, should there be a disagreement over who can play on a court, a competent and smiling manager will propose that players meet and play a double and have fun.

My experience at the Best Tennis Club in Belgium: La Rasante

I can only speak of the incidents I was involved in. They all had their roots in the 15 minutes rule. In the most serious incident, which led to my later exclusion from the club, I was playing on court 7 with a partner. At 18:30 two excited individuals walked on it and encircled me. They threatened me physically at once and asked me with a mean tone to clean and vacate the court.

They had not notified the reception of their late arrival. We on the other hand had told the reception we would use a free court if any.

After failing to take us out of the court by intimidation, the two bullies fetched the manager on duty,Shoegazer. He did not show enough competence, IMHO, in handling this minor dispute over the occupation of a tennis court. He did not ask the right questions. He never smiled. He did not look for compromises.

What he did was to take the easy road. He backed the party who intimidated him most. In concrete terms he walked straight at me, and ordered me to leave the court. In a second attempt he  threatened me with a club exclusion if I did not vacate the court at once.

What about court occupations rules?

I told him his job was to implement the club's regulations. But, as I said, it is as if Shoegazer threw a coin in the air, and when it has fallen on the ground he would give the court to whomever is threatening him most. His mind was already made when he came to speak to me.

What happens if you tell Shoegazer you will not leave the court that you have a legitimate claim to?

That's what I did. But Shoegazer had succumbed to pressure from Thor Berserker who was threatening  with a law suit. Shoegazer then threatened me in turn, as mentioned:  I would be excluded from the club if I did not obey the unfair orders he was barking.

The good news is that after I refused to obey the fate that the coin had dictated for me, I was not tarred and feathered.


How I got excluded

The bad news is that the ruler at La Rasante Rough Courts banned me the next morning, on the basis of the story Shoegazer had told him.

I suspect Shoegazer had sexed-up the story too. I heard through the grapevine that accoirding to his account I would have assaulted the latecomers. We'll see what the court thinks of that.

Anyhow, the Harassante ruler did not even try to meet me first and listen to my account. He did not bother telling me why I was expelled. Even after 5 weeks of emailing back and forth he stuck to "what you did and what you said". Very specific.

If Shoegazer stays at La Rasante, he must be competent, or?

If I understand well, Shoegazer is competent at selling a lot of memberships.  If this is true, he's an asset for the bean counters in the offices. My objection is that La Rasante is already badly overcrowded, IMHO. Their customers fill the parking spaces of people living around the block and create a local nuisance.

How can one complain?

I complained and insisted on playing on the court I had a regular claim to. Then I was excluded without serious motivation. I believe there is a link, if I understand the email I received (see next message).

My issue is that Shoegazer had too seriously spoilt my fun, troubled my peace and tramped on my rights as a customer and, on top of that will not admit critique. This apparently is peanuts to them gentle Aspria managers.

So Shoegazer got his way. But I believe he was too deceptive for his own good in view of the lies and nonsense that have been spread in the emails his management have sent me, especially those that are easy to disprove.

What I would do in such a case if I were the director:

1) Check the facts 2) Talk to the consumer 3) If necessary train Shoegazer, otherwise keep him out of his incompetence zone 4) If warranted, give the consumer some compensation 5) Have a walk in the park.

Aspria Slogans and real-life service

"Asspria: You will be happy with us. If not we'll throw you out."

Parody

Asspria Slogans: an introduction

The Gentle Managers at Asspria Hell, or Asspriacid, or Asspirina depending on tradition, are sometimes made to look like moronic despots. But their real-life counterparts are a pretty good show by themselves, so try to see if you can spot one. I understand that like some other mammals, they only come out at night and are easily frightened at the sight of humans looking for help.

Picture: Asspria manager intimidating a customer

How Aspria inflicts pain on itself: idiotic slogans

This might be a parody, but it's hard to beat Aspria themselves at being candidates to "Un dîner de cons" (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Dinner_Game).

Actually, their site is an auto-parody of sorts. Have a good look around at the sales pitches, the welcome back to the 1950's pictures, the general atmosphere of sticky self-glorification :

http://www.aspria.com/

I found this beautiful piece of hand-carved bullshit on the first page:

"The Aspria Spas exist to promote innovative well being for body and soul."

Frankly what does this mean? Am I missing something subliminal? Try the game yourself: how many of that caliber per page?

Aspria's slogan copied in the email below sounds like a self-inflicted wound and Bullshit Bingo winner:

"Europe's finest Spas and Family Sporting Clubs in Europe"

This reeks of marketing bullshit. But they are paying to have this verbiage spread around and use it on their e-mail signatures. And the consumer ends up paying for that moronic claim.

Mind you, it might be true if they have defined the arbitrary category of "Spas and Family Sporting Clubs" in such a way that they are in competition with a couple of family ventures in Northern Cyprus where tennis courts have actual potato crops growing.

What is it I am doing?

Hi folks.

If you love La Rasante please read no further and enjoy yourselves.

If you have been taken for a ride, exploited, verbally abused, threatened and snubbed by management at an Aspria club, come and share your experience here.

I found hell at Aspria La Rasante
http://hellnearyou.blogspot.com/

I want to make some serious fun of these guys who believe they are number one in Europe and get them to deliver what we have paid for in fairness. I just started with an evaluation. I will parody their self-glorifying site shortly.

I want this to be positive and fair. So humor is my preferred weapon.
My hope is that we can turn the situation to our advantage as customers and get some decent value for money and a little more respect from the rulers of the place.

The internet and social sites like Facebook give individual consumers significant power and we can make things move with relatively little effort while having a good laugh.

The rulers at Aspria Hell and Harassment Parks, L'Harassante, have already kicked me out the club without dialogue or clear explanations five weeks ago, so I cannot expect much improvement of their despotic manners.

This blog is only the beginning.

I want consumer organisations and the public authorities to have a look at what is going on in Aspria Hell. Check the contracts, the secret tariff policy and isolated negotiations with clients, possible overcrowding in legal terms (fire safety and the like) and everything that will put these people in their right place and get us what we have paid for.

To those that wonder why we do not move on and look elsewhere:

- What if the place is conveniently situated around the block and we want Aspria to deliver for our money? OK?
- What if we believe in defending our rights as consumers? OK?
- What if we are free to shop where we please and use our freedom of expression? OK?
- What if we have sworn to never let anyone tramp on our rights? OK?

Another thing that bugs me: why does the personnel look terrorized and worried?

Join the show. Publish your experience. Let's all have good fun.

A word of caution: Google and I admits nothing illegal so no insults, no lies, no hate speech. Parody, humor, mockery are OK.

Good luck and keep on enjoying yourselves if you like La Rasante and have read on in spite of my warning.

Disgruntled customers join me to kick the management's @ss€s and get the record straight.

Bye for now.