Monday, June 21, 2010

Spoof news: Aspria will tag tennis players

Aspria La Rasante's customers will have to wear electronic tagging devices (parody)

Aspria are the best tennis clubs in the world, period. However its management has proved itself unable to enforce club rules about tennis court occupation. So they are now moving to electronic tagging.

Management chose tagging, a form of surveillance consisting of an electronic device attached to a person, for its convenience. Tennis players at La Rasante will have to chose between two fluorescent tags: a pink ear tag and a turquoise wristband.

Says La Rasante manager: "Tennis players at our club are infamous for wanting to play tennis on our potato fields. They tend to occupy free fields, thereby using up the surface, which at our world class club is a mix of mud and sand. We use our courts for potato growing and playing on them spoils the surface. We want to monitor their whereabouts. "

The rules at La Rasante are known to be understood by a very small fraction of the players and by nobody in management: a quarter after the hour, the court booking is lost unless the reception has been warned of a late arrival.

The reception has a huge bag of tricks to prevent tennis players from reaching the potato fields.

The new scheme should improve potato yield by 50%.

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